careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
