can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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