Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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