im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
