I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
