Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
