tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
