i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
