In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
