So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
