Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
