talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
