I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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