quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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