She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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