Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every concussion has its silver lining
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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