I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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