yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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