If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
