I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ketchup is God's man juice
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
