took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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