Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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