Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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