Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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