when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
