can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Blood and glitter go together right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
