Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
