sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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