my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
