she was so not down for the gang bang
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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