I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
