its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
