Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
