Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
