Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
