im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
