Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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