you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
