consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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