I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
