PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
