I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
