think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
