Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My dick has a subreddit
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
