The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
