That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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