just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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