You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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