no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
