she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the day after is always just damage control
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You dont lie about slip and slides
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Text me some of your sweat
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
