how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
