We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
