why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
