He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
