She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
