Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
